New Day, New Outlook

After my crappy crappy day yesterday, I got myself back in the studio today for Belly/Pole Fusion and Chair Dancing (yes, the class I accidentally scandalized).

Annnnd…. progress!

I can’t body roll for SHIT. Every stereotype about white girls dancing and having no rhythm, I prove them completely true. But my belly teacher is so patient and last week she broke it down step by step for me. We did them again today and she goes “you’ve been practicing! They’re hot!”. I seriously felt like a kid who got their picture hung on the fridge! I don’t mind if progress is slow, as long as it exists.


In other news, I saw this on Texts from the TARDIS. I think I’ll start using it to explain my pole kisses 😛


Substitute Instructors

Without warning, we had a substitute instructor tonight…

It doesn’t take long to get used to how someone teaches… And because I didn’t know what was going on, it was like I was the second grader no one wanted on their sports team again.

I really just feel like an idiot, I was in the bathroom of the studio crying until I could get it together enough to leave. It was like everything I’ve ever hated about gym classes times a thousand. (There’s some pole math for you).

The studio is supposed to be my happy place abut tonight it turned into a nightmare. I never want to go back.


7/31 – EDIT: Thanks for the encouraging comments I’ve received both here and on Facebook!

Sexy = √Work(Determination)²

Fair warning: I can’t math for crap. But it seems to me that there’s got to be some formula to explain the AMOUNT of time, energy, blood, sweat and tears that go into the one second of perfect pole sexiness we all envision.

This is me after I busted out this move (a modified version of the star with an extra hand-hold for support) on the pole for the FIRST TIME EVER. The people I’ve shown it to have more to say about how incredibly, stupidly happy I look than anything else. That’s because I know exactly how much work went in to making even this simple little move possible.


Bottom line?

Is pole dancing sexy? YES.

Does it involve sweating, bruising, strained and crampy muscles, calluses, stubbed toes, pole burn and lots of other incredibly UNsexy things? ALSO YES.

Is it worth it to feel amazing and strong when you finally get it down? HELL YES.

Superman is the Bane of My Existence

On the pole or in the swing… this is the move I just can’t get! And I keep getting beat up in the process!


Oy… this thing is driving me crazy. But on the plus side, I can skin the cat,  invert on the swing, sit on the pole, teddy, and do lots of other things I couldn’t do three weeks ago. For now, I’ll just continue to glare at the people who can do it and keep on working.

Three Weeks Later

The proof is in the pudding… and the chocolate bars… and the Domino’s pizza. I’ve been pole dancing for about three weeks now, 4-5 times a week, and I’m already pretty impressed with the before and after pics. Best of all, I haven’t had to change how I eat at all. As a wiser woman than I has sad, there’s so much food that tastes better than skinny feels (but if I can have both I’m not complaining ^_~)

Oh geez, I can’t believe I’m posting these… JUDGEMENT FREE ZONE HERE PEOPLE.


The Fringe Benefits of Pole

Pole dancing has made me relate better to children. No really, wait, hear me out…

My six-year-old cousin is visiting this week and she was delighted to find I could pick her up, carry her around on my shoulders, let her climb on me like a little hairless monkey and swing her around with no problem. Why can I do that all that? Because of the strength in my arms and core I have from pole.

I’ve never been a physically strong person. Growing up I was really sick all the time, I’ll spare you the gory details, but basically I couldn’t have any undue impact to my body or potential breaking of bones. Additionally, I was (and still am) clumsy as hell and run into walls and trip over my own feet on a pretty regular basis.

Whenever April shows me a new move, I feel like that kid on the sports sidelines again going “I’m never going to be able to do that!” but then I give a shot… and while it might not be graceful or sexy, I CAN do it. I can hold my body weight up on the pole, I can invert on the swing and land on my feet, I can spin and climb and be completely off the ground and it all feels amazing as hell because I never thought I’d be good at a sport, any sport, and it turns out I am.

It’s ALL About the Shoes!

I couldn’t figure out why I was slipping and sliding all over the studio floor while everyone else was sticking just fine… guess what? Stripper shoes have rubber bottoms and my street shoes don’t! TADA, no more slipping!

The problem is, I have crazy skinny feet. Nice shoe people call them “European feet” but in reality it just means I have a heck of a time finding anything that fits well. So I’m pigeon-holed into one brand – Pleaser.

Before… matte and blah

This would be fine except Pleaser stopped producing glittery shoes. And me, being me, I will probably dip my first born child in glitter if I can so you KNOW my stripper shoes will be fabulous. I did a little DIY work and I’m really happy with how they came out, check out the after!



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